Wednesday, April 24, 2013

My three and a half weeks of internet speed dating…………..

It was a whirlwind experience, to say the least. I am exhausted after it. I hadn’t realised that meeting 10 men in that period of time would be as exhausting as it was. Trust me, it is! The first man I met, had contacted me through my blog, “The Wedding Date” and I admired his bravery.

We met in Carlow, this is not where he is from and we spent six hours together chatting, he was such a lovely guy………. However, there was no chemistry for me.

During this blog, I will reveal three things about me that probably do not flatter me. However, it is my truth. This guy was smaller than me too and I knew as he walked towards me in the Hotel, that I wasn’t attracted to him. Still, I’d like to think we’ll remain good friends.

Mr 2 I met for lunch, I was eating when he arrived and all he had was a pot of tea. As an aside, I have met 3 men in this particular restaurant and I sit upstairs there and I have no doubt the waitress is wondering about the 3 different men, I was with for lunch! J He seemed nice enough, but there was zero attraction from me to him. I’ll give him credit though, he came shopping with me for a scare, as that night I was going to an ‘80’s charity night fancy dress and as I was dressing as “Sandra Dee” I needed something for my hair. I was dressing in leather trousers and jacket, when “Sandra Dee” had reached her bold confident stage LOL. I was choosing a light coloured scarf and he suggested a red / orange scarf. He was right on the colour and then informed me that he had been in the rag trade for years! As I am NOT a natural shopper, I took his word for it and he was right, the colours suited me. He too asked if we could meet again and some wisdom in me, said, I’d sit with it. Dear Lord, was I grateful for listening to my own inner voice! I texted him when I got home and stated there was no spark for me, he texted back that he was “Gutted, as I had opened him mentally, physically and sexually and that he was gutted”……. When I read that, I said to myself, whoo Trich, lucky escape there girl!! Next morning I received a text that said he hadn’t slept the night before and could we be friends. I agreed…………..Wrong move on my part! The next Sunday, I receive a text to say that he met some woman on the Friday night and she was going to his house to “Get Laid” …….As if I needed to hear that! I requested he not contact me again……….. so after a night and next morning of abusive texts to me, he thankfully went on his way. I’ve learned NOT to respond to any messages from folk like him!!

I joined “Plenty Of Fish” dating site, the night before I met Mr 1. That was on the 24th March last. Then on Fools Day, I met Mr 3, Flippin Nora the chemistry was great. But there was “something” and it took me the rest of the week to figure it out. All texting, even after we met, with only one phone call prior to meeting. He wasn’t congruent. That’s what I felt. I really am not interested in folk who are not congruent. So it was bye bye to Mr 3.

Mr 4 was a dote of a man, very bright, funny and artistic. So what was wrong? He was smaller than me and folks, this is one thing I do not need to explain, it is just the way I am. I am only 5’ 3 ½” I am not tall. I need a man to be taller than me. What I really liked about him, was his intelligence, I am a bit of a Sapiophile. Plus his humour was great too. It didn’t matter how I felt, he was smaller than me ……………….. It is an issue I own and I do not feel the need to look at why, I am this way! He asked me straight up, would I meet him again and I declined.

Years ago my eldest daughter went out with a guy much smaller than her and I even found that difficult!!

Mr 5, oh Sweet God, his bum wasn’t even on the seat, when he started being negative. I experienced his energy like his two fists were up to me ready to fight! This lasted for all but the last 20 minutes of the date. I knew he was nervous, but he also took two phone calls from his mates and that to me is a no no. That is not the decorum of a first date! In the last 15 to 20 minutes of the date, he relaxed and his whole face changed. He asked me out to dinner and I declined thanking him. I really could not deal with his sky high defences! I’ve done my inner work and I still do it, so I absolutely honour this in me!

Mr 6…………. I can’t remember his name……… oops! We had lunch, he was nice, kind of aggressive and slightly grumpy, however, ok and a good Dad. He bought me lunch, which was gentlemanly and I admire that in any man. There was a bit of one man up-ness about him. But the bottom line was………. Yeah, no chemistry, at all! Slan……………………................

Mr 7 was on time, I stood to take my jacket off and looked down at the cash desk and as I did, there he was and he smiled up at me. Lovely guy I thought. He joined me and gave me a present of a “Scrabble Dictionary”. We had played scrabble nights before and he beat the socks off me. I was impressed, as I don’t normally loose at scrabble! That may sound egotistic of me and maybe it is…….. it has been years since I’ve played and on the night we did play scrabble, I had had a few glasses of wine and my brain was slow! I am not making excuses for myself here, this guy was / is brilliant at scrabble. While we spoke, I realised he thought differently and I really liked that about him. He was genuinely a lovely man. I went back to his house and we chatted for 4 hours! I had only intended to stay for two hours! He is a very open man about who he is and where he came from. I still like him. In fact I called to his house yesterday. He is courteous and kind and thinks differently and sure I LOVE people who think differently and who are different…… Hell I am so different in aspects of who I am, why wouldn’t I love another unique individual. He asked me if we could do this again and I said, I’d like that………… I’d love this guy as a friend, yeah, no fecking chemistry! I was getting rather pissed off this scenario with myself, at this stage!

You see, I can look at men and say they are attractive, however, I do not find them attractive to me! It is the bane of my life in many ways. However, I trust my own responses too. You see, I’ve made lots of mis – takes in my life, by not listening to my instinct! I now listen to my body, as I believe, the body never lies and the heart always knows! I got that, after the last relationship I had!!!!!! Sometimes, I am a slow learner!
My need here is to state and declare, that in all the men I have met, I kissed two, one tried to kiss me, but I wasn’t going there. I have not had nookie with ANY OF THEM! It wasn’t that I don’t want to make love with a guy, I’d love nothing more than to make love, however, if I don’t feel it, I don’t go there, in a nut shell! The way I see it, I can pleasure myself better, than most men can! That may sound crude; believe me, I so dislike crude. Facts are facts, in my world! This is my reality! Please don’t say, you haven’t met me yet! I know me! You do NOT!

The next night, this guy, yeah Mr 8, started emailing me on POF and texting me on my phone, so it was a catch up, between POF and texting! He was in a rush……… I agreed to meet him the next evening in a pub, I often frequent for something to eat. He was late! Tardy, I thought! He was ok-ish and I decided to kiss him. I like to do that, the odd time, plus I felt I needed the practice………. No not very honourable of me, I know! After we both had had two drink and I had had something to eat, I decided to go to the smoking area for a cig, he said he was going to the bathroom and that he’d pay for what we’d had………………………..

Now…………….here was my dilemma ……. I could not leave the bar, without paying. So I paid for the drinks and what I had eaten…………..I have never minded doing this…………. However, more of that later………….

I had my cig and we left the bar. He walked me to my car and even sat in it for about 10 minutes. In that time, he did not thank me for paying for his drinks! I did and do have an issue with this! After I said good night, I received a text from him, that stated …….. “I was going to ask you back to my place……..” I replied, “I wouldn’t have gone”. His response was……”I am brave, but not stupid” ………….. I already had the measure of him. When I texted him later on to say there was NO spark, he came back with “I couldn’t be bothered with getting my brain fired and continued with some other shite……….. I wasn’t arsed replying! So Mr 8 was gone.

Mr 9 met me last Wednesday night, in hurricane weather at Cork airport, after I had finished work. I had said the Airport Hotel, which to me was the Raddison, but he was nowhere to be seem when I arrived a few minutes late, due to that awful weather and traffic! He had gone to the other Hotel in the airport complex! We met in the foyer and again I instantly knew there was no attraction for me. However, this man, while 12 years older than me, was a Gent. We spend three hours together in relaxed conversation. I was impressed that he was born on the same day as me, albeit 11 years earlier. He is a genius with computers amongst other talents. The tail end of some hurricane was blaring outside, I was so sorry I had parked so far away from the hotel!! Again, he was smaller than me….. Sin é as far as I am concerned, plus, yeah that all elusive chemistry was not there. Truly, a lovely human being…………… Again an individual, I’d loved to be friends with………….?!? When I texted him to say, no spark…………….. his reply the following day, which I had initially mis-understood, asked, if I had been scared about how comfortable our date had been……… I didn't need to ponder this, as one of my gifts, is that, I make people comfortable or uncomfortable with me! I am so comfortable in my own skin and in who I am too. I realise this is not the “Irish” way, however, it is my reality. I said so. I needed to be fair with this man here, he is a gorgeous human being, but I just didn't fancy him, sin é!

Mr 10 the next night cancelled, I was grateful and if you don’t mind, my need is not to say why! Plus, I was really getting exhausted!

So Mr 11, became Mr 10. I liked the numerology …………. 10 equals 1………. This beautiful human being and I spoke for days on the phone, he doesn’t do typing well! I dislike texting, but would type and speak for Ireland!! ;)) This was THE man, I was most interested in. I loved his profile when I read it. I liked his picture, he is also in a similar profession to me and I have always wanted to date someone in this particular profession. Anyway, he got peed off with my slow cautious approach, so we did the phone calls………..Which lasted for at least 4 hours at a time! Yes, believe it or believe it not, when I am really interested in someone, I do slow and cautious…………. Fact about me! Or I do nothing about it, or I go for it………. Depending on how I feel at that given time!

His voice was sexy and I loved it………….. I have a thing about voices…………. Being on radio for 6 years gave me an edge on voices………….. I really do find a good voice an aphrodisiac. I probably shouldn’t say that, but my motto is, people do or they don’t, there is no “should” about it!

He was really into me and I was being cautious because I know me. I either am attracted to you or I am not! I know the second I see you, if I am attracted or not! In a way, it is a curse, on the other hand, it stands me in good stead too! Who am I to criticise me?!? I am who I am and I both like and love who I am. That is a gift to me.

Last weekend, I spent it with my daughter, in Galway. We had a ball. I love who she is and I love her company. She loves when I am driving, as it allows her to talk with me, without any distractions. After we had checked in, I had to move my car from the “Set Down” parking spot, which I did. I brought my phone with me and phoned Mr 10. We ended up having a row………….. I don’t like conflict, however, I tend to be either good or disastrously bad at it! There is rarely a middle ground with it, with me! Anyway, I heard him the first time, I apologised and ended up apologising 3 times and still he went on, so just before I was beginning to lose it, I re-iterated and mirrored back to him, what he had said, what I had heard and my 3 apologies. This time, he heard me! However, I was a tad upset. I got over it and the next day, my daughter and I walked Galway all day………… During this walk about, Mr 10 requested photo’s of me, I obliged. What strikes me now, is that it did NOT dawn on me to request the same of him! That wasn’t very bright of me! You see the row had been about the fact that I had said, seemingly a number of times, I won’t know until I meet you, if I am attracted to you….. This is what upset him. When he said, I may not find you attractive, I felt it as a tiny sting and got what he was saying, therefore, I apologised. After 3 apologies and not been heard, I was beginning to lose my patience. Anyway……… I got over it.

We met yesterday at the “MidWay” in Portlaoise. He was late, as he had gotten lost and his car battery had died! This didn’t bother me, shite happens to us all……………

When he did arrive he phoned me from the car park, saying, where are you, can you come out to meet me…….. which I felt was a tad demanding, I don’t do demanding of me well! Anyway, I did go out to the car park to meet him and in the distance, I saw him and knew instantly, I didn’t fancy him. I stayed with him for an hour or so, but while I sat there, in front of him, I just could not see me being intimate with him. So I excused myself and went to the ladies. I came back and said I was going home and stood up and said I won’t do the long goodbye. (Even though, in my past, I have!) (But eventually I learn!) So we hugged and I left.

My heart was so disappointed, truly, I still loved his voice and I had had hopes for us, as a couple. All were dashed………. And as I say, Reality beats Fantasy hands down all the time, I needed to repeat this to myself a number of times on the 4 hour journey home! The row we had had on the Friday night, I had allowed myself to fall into a fantasy notion, rather than waiting for the reality of meeting him. T’was a hard lesson learned. When I know this so well!!

Last Saturday, I had deleted my POF account. I won’t be going back for a while. I actually don’t know if I will re-join or not! It may end up being a movable feast, a bit like my hair! LOL!

What I've written has been my experience of dating, after a 20 month absence. It seems to me that the only way to meet men is by internet dating. Twitter and Facebook are NOT the place to meet anyone. Sure, I've met a lot of people at Tweetups (Twitter Meet Ups), but none thus far that I’d fancy. Yeah, I know I am fussy, but you know what, I am worth it. I am not being big headed about this, it is my truth and my truth is all I can speak about.

So, if I am to meet anyone, it is now, in God’s hands……………………………………………….. Oh the other two things I cannot do…………. Are men younger than me, not under 45 and I’d have a big challenge with that even! The other, and I so know this is not politically correct, but I've had an experience where I put my back out and I am not prepared to go out with men in wheel chairs. I've worked hard all my life, my life had been difficult, I wouldn't change a thing about it, however, I do want my later years on this planet to be a tad easier, for me. Plus, and I never admit this, but at heart, I am a romantic. I want it all, love, romance, to balance each other, to be great communicators, lovers, friends, companions etc. I am worth it ;)


  1. Your honesty and self-awareness Trich is, as ever, wonderful. Sometimes the journey is more important than the destination, so I hope you got much from meeting the magnificent ten. And that you got to visit nice places for a coffee when you were in Galway.....P